im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
