redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
