Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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