He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
