his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
