Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
