I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
