I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
