oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
