So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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