there's paper in my vomit.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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