I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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