If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
