just come out here and I will go home with you...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
