everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
