you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
