she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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