The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
