dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
