I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
