we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
