You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We are all done wearing pants today
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
