im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So squirting runs in the family.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
