Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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