we have officially lost it.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
