Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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