Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
