new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
