I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
