she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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