Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just pee around me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
