there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
