gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
