this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
