Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
