Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
