the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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