I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
