i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
