he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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