found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
