We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
