I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
