Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
