Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm at about main and main street
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
