I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm always down for nudity.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
