No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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