I have demons in me.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
