i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
