so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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