What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
